her vagine was all disorganized.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize