I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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