It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
