i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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