those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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