Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
