So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
