ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
