You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
