I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
how does that bad decision feel?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
