I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize