with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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