I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
