It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize