I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
