It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
