My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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