They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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