beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize