I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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