i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
