She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
