imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
