a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
