If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
