I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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