Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
