After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
