Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
