We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
