I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize