I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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