when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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