Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he thought i was a dude.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
