then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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