Three words: puerto rican gang bang
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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