break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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