I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
