he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
