OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
