You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
