I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Randomize
