Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
