do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
