Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You ruined the universe
Randomize
