Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
