OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
