Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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