how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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