hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize