he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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