there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize