It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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