Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
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