I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You're like the curious george of whores
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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