My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
only you would photoshop your dick
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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