whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
