I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
