Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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