broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
