It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
