My sheets look like a crime scene.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
