I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
