I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
And then the night went full on bisexual.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
