She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
