The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
