Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
