it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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