there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
