I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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