laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How does one acquire holy water?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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