Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
