p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
soo... how was my night?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
